All Good Things Come To An End

       After two years living in Ocean Grove and enjoying all the amazing characteristics of these lovely little towns by the sea, I am going to move forward with an opportunity to work in Northern California through the fall. Possibly do a little traveling afterwards, just ready to ride one wave to the next. 

I've learned so much living and working here. I've made so many lifelong friends, and connected with all those I've had the opportunity to work with along the way. Releasing "Atlantic" was such an incredible moment for me and i'm glad I can leave on a high note. Of course, I could have promoted it more, played more shows, and hit the ground running into my next project.. but thats not the way I see it. 

"Atlantic" is certainly not the last collection of songs I will release, merely the first. But I think that there's so much out there in this great big world and my artistry and my whole being will absolutely benefit from making some changes to see what else serves me. I'm a twenty six year old woman who grew up in the shadows of one of the greatest, cultivating, competitive, powerhouses of humanity, New York City; And I'm aware of how that has influenced a lot of my values and understanding of the things up to this point. I've always known I could go into the city everyday and make something of myself, but in the past few years there's been a humongous shift between knowing what I'm capable of, and actually connecting to what it is that I truly want.

Waking up with the sun everyday, and working on the land. Sleeping under the stars and eating by campfire. Writing songs and being stuck with myself and nature for awhile. It all sounds HEALTHY. I can't remember the last time I just took a break... 

Something snapped in me about three years ago, coming off a long stint of partying through college and yet another failed relationship that revolved mostly around our ability to check out. It was in that moment that I took a long hard look in the mirror and recognized that I had a lot of work to do, an awakening of sorts. "I'm fucking killing myself trying not to deal with all that I am." "I'm suppressing the best parts of myself to keep up with my peers" and I'm wasting away in the process. It doesn't matter that I had a painful childhood, the only person I was saying "fuck you" to, was ME.  I was sick and tired, as in I could barely make it out of bed from gastrointestinal issues ranging from different candidas to parasitic infections and I thought enough is enough.

I've never looked back from that moment on. In fact, all I've ever done was try and make up for lost time. I've lost friends because our values no longer aligned, and honesty wasn't understood. I remember being told that I couldn't afford to move out and make it on my own, to which I let my actions do the talking...I'm hard on myself because I know that there's so much to be enjoyed if I just stay the course. I started looking at money as a means to get by, not a determinant factor of my success and I've worked countless jobs just to make shit happen while always pursuing some creative endeavor in the meantime. Now I'm ready to really just stop and take a look around...

I want to ground and connect and take the time to reset and release. I'm not talking about a vacation in the tropics sipping sugary rum drinks in the gated confines of a five star hotel. I'm talking a REAL vacation from the life I've always known.  No internet or cell phone. No conveniences. Hard work outdoors under the beating sun. Challenging myself and connecting to the deepest parts of myself that may not have the chance to speak amidst the chaos that is New Jersey. In the land of opportunity, I do believe there can be too much to choose between. It will be interesting to have no choices. To know that I will be fed three times a day but will not choose what those meals are. To know that I will work on the farm day in and day out with no real disturbances or breaks or nights out with my girls. To know that true freedom consists of breaking free of the life designed for us long before my lifetime. To walk through the Redwoods and feel small.... on a regular basis.

I have no idea where this road will lead me... but I know it's one I feel ready to take. I feel  some guilt about leaving my family... my siblings... Bubby.. my jobs... all the connections I've made and everyone else I love as I take the next step but I'm sure I will be a better woman, better artist, and better human as a result of my experience, whether California is a more permanent residence or whether I find myself here at home sometime in the near of distant future.

Over 2+ years ago when I launched my music site, I quoted myself on the homepage as saying "Possessions don't make for a good story, experiences do"and I still connect with that sentiment. I am trying to remind myself of that as I pack up and trade away my dresses and high heels for a tent and lots of reading materials as the former will have no place in this next chapter. But its true, our lives are something like a story, and I would like to live one thats worth being told. I think, how boring would it be to live in this one small pocket of this country all my life, blinded by the wealth and our parents values? How do you know what is right until you've gotten it wrong a few times?  How are you telling your story??

- JC