Have you ever found yourself caught in an unexpected moment where music evoked some deeply personal response for you? There's a song that has done so much for me it would be hard to explain its significance to me, but I'd like to give it a shot.
Awhile back, a cousin of mine from my father's side of the family came to see me play in AC and mentioned a song to me that she thought I might listen to and learn. Without putting much more thought into it, I agreed. After the show, a couple young girls who worked at the venue were discussing some deeply personal things going on in their lives and it is always in these moments that I find myself trying to provide others with encouraging words and a listening ear, calling upon my own experiences to relay my understanding and comfort them in knowing that it all works out.... we all have our story.
It happens all the time, but after these moments where I console and comfort others, I can find myself lost in a sort of self pity.... Something that comes in waves, your pretty standard "why me?" It's so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like others have had it easier, or what life may have been like had certain things never happened or certain relationships been different, better, healthier, etc. but I can usually find myself on the side of gratitude when its all said and done, for this amazing gift of expression that I have been given... My voice.
Anyway, the whole conversation got me to questioning a lot of things that evening as I tried making sense of it all on the ride home. It brought me to thinking a bit about my beliefs. I was just about to tweet something along the lines of "what's worse? to believe your God single handedly has all the answers or to know that we aren't privy to all the answers and no man who walked this earth is.", when I just rest my head back and started thinking of my father... You see, many people are under the impression that because I have deeply questioned the faith I was raised into, that I must not believe in heaven either, which is true to some extent. But what I DO believe in, is ENERGY. We know it is neither created not destroyed, but merely transferred and distributed amongst all living things and such. I am comfortable in knowing that my father's soul is eternal, partially because he lives within me and my siblings but mostly because I believe we are all a part of something much greater than our time here on earth in this moment...
Anyway, I was thinking along these lines... Posing questions and thinking deeply about my lost love, my father. I happened to click on Pandora needing a break from it all, and the song my cousin asked me to learn was the first song that came on. I hadn't heard a single word, and the tears rolled. Just the music alone brought me so much solace- I can't put into words what happened to me in that moment but it was as if my father joined me, a clear sign, something much more than coincidence.... and I felt it. I felt as though he has penned each and every one of those lyrics to heal me, comfort me, and show me he is with me all along..... I've never felt a song more fitting in my life, it was as if my whole world stop spinning and we stood alone, unabated by the difference in our form, my physical being and his spirit. I shed so much more than tears that night-- every word suited and soothed me. Everything about that moment was perfect.
I told a few of those closest to me about it, and from then on out the song found me often..... Walking in the door, on TV - Pandora, on numerous stations - My cousins follow up email with a link to the song - YouTube suggested videos - countless times turning on the radio at any given moment. One time me and my sister got in the car together and it came on. I had told her about my first experience with the song, so she knew and she definitely saw my excitement...
The thing is, I understand that you may or may not believe what I say to be true, but because I believe that my father is with me in each and every one of these moments, the power of positive thinking makes it all possible. It is sincerely a real notion, your thoughts are energy - you get what you give!
But to finally make my point, last night I was in the van on the way home from a gig texting a friend, I literally said "I complain a lot but amidst all the things that happen, I'm in a very high point with all going on.." and I smiled to myself thinking about where I stand.... Believe me, I've been tested time and time again but i try to think that no matter what chaos and circumstance come my way that I owe it to myself to remain calm and at peace with it all, even if its the hardest thing to do. Lastly, upon returning to my car at 2:30 in the morning and powering up my car, I turned on my radio and the intro began.... Then the words embraced me like the first time all over again, except this time there were no tears.... just a smile as I was carted off to a deeply magical state of mind, where I got to spend the next few minutes enjoying my father's company....... How lucky am I?
Take a listen to the song here: